Pickup Lines
by LoquaciousLycanthropic
Summary: Ed asks Roy for pickup lines. When Roy complies, does he get more than he bargained for?


Disclaimer: I swear, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. But, if you insist I do, I won't argue. ;D

A/N: Sorry, guys. Not my best work ever. It's pretty old. Actually, it's probably a couple months, but my writing style has changed drastically in the last couple of months. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that sorry it sucks. Please read and review!

* * *

"So Roy…"

"Yes, Fullmetal?"

"Must you use that name? Edward is fine, you know and it _is _my name. It wouldn't kill you for using it once in a while," Edward stated, scowling.

"At work, yes, I must use that name," Roy answered, not even looking up from the papers he was signing.

"Whatever. That wasn't the point of starting this conversation. The point is that you're Roy Mustang, Famous for being a womanizer, right?"

"That's what they tell me. Why? Do you need my help chasing after a hot woman?" Roy asked, looking up at the blonde and raising an eyebrow.

"They're not items, Mustang. But yes, I guess you could say that," Edward snapped, blushing.

"Is it that Winry girl? She's very pretty, but not really your type, Fullmetal."

"It's not Winry, you bastard, and it doesn't really matter who it is. I'm just wondering if you had any pickup lines that you used a lot."

"Of course, Fullmetal, but they only really work for someone like me."

"Someone like you," Edward deadpanned.

"Yes. Someone with wit, devilishly good charms, a handsome face, and perfect stature."

"Who are you calling so short that even a queen ant wouldn't want him!"

"You, Fullmetal," Roy said, calmly. "But we're not here to argue about your height, or lack, therefore of, are we?"

"Who are you-"

"Shut up, Fullmetal. Just tell me who she is and I'll tell you some pickup lines."

"No," Ed snapped. "You don't need to know who she is."

"It might make a difference, Edward," Roy warned.

"I don't care, Mustang. Just tell me some of your damn pickup lines! Is that too much to ask?"

"Sometimes, yes. Especially for you, Edward, what with being such a small person and all."

Cue Edward's rant.

"Who are you calling so short asking for one damn pickup line is too damn much!"

"Calm down, Fullmetal. Do you really want the whole office to know that _you _are asking _me _for help?" Roy smirked, knowing that the alchemist most definitely would not want that. "Anyway, I'd have to say that the first pickup line I ever used was-"

"When you were six?" Ed mumbled, glaring at the older alchemist. Roy's smirk widened.

"Actually, I was ten. And it was: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again."

"Didn't know you could be so much of an idiot, Mustang. Hope the poor girl didn't fall for that one."

"She did," The Flame Alchemist laughed at Ed's look of disbelief. "The next one I used, and I think it's the one I used the most often, was: I looked beautiful up in the dictionary today, and your picture was there."

"What the hell? Those are stupid."

"Like most pickup lines are, Edward. Do you want my help or not?"

"I think I can get more on my own, thanks."

"Fine, Fullmetal. But if you ever go to use one of these on your mystery girl, I want to be there to see her laugh in you face."

"Thanks for the confidence boost, Roy," Ed said, dryly. Roy grinned.

"Anytime, Fullmetal."

--

"Come on, Fullmetal. Where is she? I don't have all night, you know," Roy growled, glaring at the younger boy and kicking a pebble.

"Quit complaining, General, you're the one who offered to come; I didn't make you."

"All right, all right," Roy sighed, dejectedly.

"Just a little farther…yes, there," Ed said, happily.

"There's no one here, Edward."

"Look down."

"Just your size girl, huh?"

"Who are you calling-" Ed started, only to be cut off by a very confused Mustang.

"It's a puddle, Edward. As much as I hate to break it to you, I think a puddle could probably care less if you have good pickup lines or not." Roy smirked, sending the younger alchemist a look of disbelief.

"Shut up and look closer, Bastard," Ed snapped, angry at being cut off in the middle of his rant.

"My reflection, Full- wait. Does this mean-"

"Would this be the right time to yell out 'someone call heaven because I think they just lost an angel'?"

Roy was silent, staring at his reflection in the puddle, a look of total confusion and shock evident on his face.

"Roy? Are you okay?"  
"You've been referring to me this whole time?"

"Well, yes. Obviously-"

"And you were referring to me as a girl?"

"Is that what you're so worked up about?" Edward asked, laughing. "Honestly, Mustang. If I said 'he', wouldn't that have changed some things? And besides, it would have taken a lot longer to get a straight answer out of-"

Roy mouth pressed against Ed's own, one arm wrapped around the blonde's waist and the other quickly pulling Edward's hair out of its braid. Edward responded just as quickly and passionately, opening his mouth for Roy's begging tongue.

When they pulled away for a breath, Roy glared down at the young boy and stated, "I am _not _a woman, Fullmetal."

Edward's only response was to pull Roy back down into, another, bruising kiss.


End file.
